In LA, it seems like every woman I meet is in their post-bananas phase.

Apparently, I’m a magnet for recovering drug addicts, alcoholics, and sluts on the mend. I never catch a "girl gone wild" whilst she is in the throes of "going wild." It seems that I meet them after, like, the first marriage, the second STD, or the third abortion. I’m like a Bizarro world 'Good Luck Chuck.'

My first week in LA, I'm on a date at a restaurant with this girl -- let's give her a nonsensical name like Margaret Nolan. Things were going pretty well. She was very polite and demure, even wearing slick professional slacks and glasses. Suddenly, she dropped THIS bomb: "I went through a really, really slutty phase where my life was all about cocaine and threesomes. That lasted for awhile and ended when... actually, just a few weeks ago. Isn’t that a coincidence?! Now we can date and really get to know each other as people for a few months befor...