Bill has appeared on Broadway several times, most recently as Mickey Mantle in Bronx Bombers. He's also appeared on hit TV shows like Oz, Sex and the City, Criminal Minds, Law and Order, Rizzoli and Isles. In 2015, he shot Cocaine Cowboys, a new series from producer Michael Bay, and The Following with Kevin Bacon. You can currently see him on AXS TV on Best of Gotham Comedy Live. As a comic, he has also performed for the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan as part of the USO tour.
This July marks the 10-year anniversary of the first time I did standup comedy, and I have learned the MOST incredible thing ever regarding the craft of standup: I don’t know shit about it.
Standup comedy IS, simply put, a Pandora’s Box of psychological mindfuckery. It is the hallucinogenic horror film hallway that stretches away faster than you can run down it. It is that sexy bitch you eagerly text your most sacrosanct feelings to who responds with a clipped and cryptic “k.”
The night of July 18th, 2003, I got apoplectically drunk and a college friend of mine convinced me that I needed to put my name inside a hat at a lower east side bar in Manhattan and subsequently do 3 minutes of talking to strangers.
I wasn&rs... Read more
I recently celebrated my one year anniversary.
Of being single.
The celebration mostly consisted of lying on my couch Facebook-flirting while Sportscenter played on an endless loop in the background. WINNING!
For the better part of 2012 and 2013, I’ve been quixotically trying to get back together with my ex-girlfriend. In my stumbling, I’ve run the gamut from email rants of rhapsodic Cyrano de Bergerac-esque prose poetry to feigned indifference to gifting poignant iTunes songs while snot bubbles quivered in my wet nostrils.
There was one hitch in the plan: my ex-girlfriend hates my guts.
She doesn’t really “hate me” hate me -- not in the same way that I hate magicians, Hitler, and personal trainers -- but she desperately wants to move on with her life and ... Read more
*** THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. ALTHOUGH MUCH OF IT IS TRUE, IT REPRESENTS SEVERAL THINGS PIECED TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF COMEDY. SO CALM THE FUCK DOWN ***
My love life is a disaster. If the Titanic and the Hindenburg were going out, they would probably see a rom-com about my dating life on their first date and subsequently give it an amazing review on “Rotten Tomatoes.”
Now, obviously, the common denominator in all of these situations is me. Clearly, I’m doing something wrong. Although I’ve led a fairly examined life, and have read the intro and 1st chapter of many a self help book (after page 20, aren’t we all like “I geeeeeet it, Deepak!”?), I’m clearly not doing it right.
In January, my actual girlfriend (actual, i.e., we lived together, talked about marriag ... Read more