What is the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so they must be Gods. Cats think, "Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so I must be God."
Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words.
Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!
Q: Why shouldn't you have a gay monkey and a gay squirrel in the same tree?
A: Because the monkey will go bananas over the squirrel's nuts.
Q: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
A: An investigator.