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joke bank - Animal Jokes

An old woman walks into a butcher shop and asks for a New Mexico duck. The butcher grabs the nearest duck and hands it to the old lady. She puts her finger up its ass, pulls it out, smells it, and says, "You must be new here because this is no New Mexico duck." The butcher replies, "Yep, I am new here." The old lady comes back with, "Well, where are you from?" The butcher drops his pants, spreads his butt cheeks and says, "I don't know, why don't you tell me."

jleets

Pick up line: "Are you a beaver because damn!"

Chase Azevedo

What did Matthew McConaughey say to the owl poachers? Owl rights, owl rights, owl rights.

Anonymous

Q: Why don't Batman and Robin go fishing?

A: Because Robin eats all the worms.

My English...

NASA put a bunch of cows into orbit. They call it the herd shot round the world.

jschrier

A man's big rottweiler has been losing its vision, so the owner brings the dog to the vet. The veterinarian picks the dog up and says, "I will have to put him down." The owner asks, "Why? Because he's blind?" The vet replies, "No, he's heavy. I need to put him down."

arandownes

Q: What do you give a pig who wins a medal at the Olympic games?
A: A pork medallion.

Anonymous

A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said, "Excuse me. I have a bee in my soup." The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"

Anonymous

Where do you take a sick horse? To the horse-pital!!!

jilliebeans

Why are worms great at poker? They have five hearts.

jack23miersch

What is green and red and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

Anonymous

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out fire.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.

Anonymous