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joke bank - Animal Jokes

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?," asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

buja11

What disease do elderly dinosaurs get? Jurassic Parkinsons.

HumanSlim

Q: Where do baby apes sleep
A: In apricots

bookworm

An old woman walks into a butcher shop and asks for a New Mexico duck. The butcher grabs the nearest duck and hands it to the old lady. She puts her finger up its ass, pulls it out, smells it, and says, "You must be new here because this is no New Mexico duck." The butcher replies, "Yep, I am new here." The old lady comes back with, "Well, where are you from?" The butcher drops his pants, spreads his butt cheeks and says, "I don't know, why don't you tell me."

jleets

A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said, "Excuse me. I have a bee in my soup." The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"

Anonymous

Q: Why don't Batman and Robin go fishing?

A: Because Robin eats all the worms.

My English...

Q: What do you give a pig who wins a medal at the Olympic games?
A: A pork medallion.

Anonymous

A man's big rottweiler has been losing its vision, so the owner brings the dog to the vet. The veterinarian picks the dog up and says, "I will have to put him down." The owner asks, "Why? Because he's blind?" The vet replies, "No, he's heavy. I need to put him down."

arandownes

Q: Why do milking stools only have three legs?
A: Because the cow’s got the udder!

TheLaughFa...

NASA put a bunch of cows into orbit. They call it the herd shot round the world.

jschrier

What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal!

benjet

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the house. Knock Knock! (Who's there?) The chicken!

farzam