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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Q: What do you call a man attacked by a cat?
A: Claude.

Anonymous

A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said, "Excuse me. I have a bee in my soup." The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"

Anonymous

Pick up line: "Are you a beaver because damn!"

Chase Azevedo

How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end smiles.

Rubym8

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the house. Knock Knock! (Who's there?) The chicken!

farzam

Q: Why do milking stools only have three legs?
A: Because the cow’s got the udder!

TheLaughFa...

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

Aayush Raman

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand, and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced, and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" replies the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles, and don't ask about my day."

dinkopal

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, sees a snail, then picks it up and chucks it as far as possible. Three years later, he hears a knock on his door, opens the door, and sees the same snail. The snail says, "Hey man, what did you do that for?!"

crazyalexian

Q: Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? A: No, they do everything on porpoise.

Ronika

Why are sharks mostly salt water creatures? Because pepper would make them sneeze.

Repor9

Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

cupquake