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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Q: Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? A: No, they do everything on porpoise.

Ronika

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand, and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced, and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" replies the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles, and don't ask about my day."

dinkopal

What did the doctor say when a pony came in complaining about a sore throat? "I know what's wrong here; you're just a little hoarse!"

Torybarton

There are 2 cats. The one two three cat and the un deux trois cat. They had a race across the English Channel. Which cat won? The one two three cat because the un deux trois cat cinq.

Anonymous

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

Aayush Raman

Why did the dog sit in the shade? Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!

karrie76

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, "I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!" The officer replied, "Why that's terrible. Did you get a good look at them?" "No sir, it all happened so fast!"

jake9364

Want to hear a dirty joke? The white horse fell in the mud.

tambro

Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

cupquake

Q: What show do cows love to watch while they're eating?
A: Graze Anatomy.

Melzinger

Q: What do you call a T-Rex's bruise? A: A dino-sore.

I Rindflei...

Q: What do you call a bulldog and shih tzu crossbreed?
A: Bullshit.

Anonymous