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joke bank - Clean Jokes

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I've led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

TheLaughFa...

Q: What is tall when it is young and short when it is old?
A: A candle.

Anonymous

A disciple went to his master and said, "I have served you faithfully for ten years. Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end." His master said, "Here, have some chewing gum."

Anonymous

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: "A miner be flat" (A minor B-flat).

Dylan and ...

Q: What do you say to a lollipop when you throw it away?
A: "So long sucker!"

Anonymous

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

Brotato

Son: "Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool."
Father: "Okay, give him a glass of water."

looloo

Man- What would you do if I won the lottery?
Woman- Take half and leave!
Man- Well, I won 20 bucks, here's 10, now get out!

Anonymous

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

Too many Cheetahs!

Anonymous

An Indian cab driver picked up a Japanese man from a hotel. Along the way, they saw a Honda motorcycle overtake the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Motorcycle very fast, made in Japan." Then a Toyota car overtook the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Car very fast, made in Japan." When they reached the destination the fare was 1500 rupees. The Japanese man thought the ride was would only cost 500 rupees. He asked the driver why the ride was so expensive. The driver said, "Meter very fast, made in India."

Samga

Q: What is tall when it's young and short when it's old?
A: A candle.

Anonymous

Q: Why do seagles fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagles!

Anonymous