joke bank - Clean Jokes

Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light. The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming past the red light. His friend looks at him and says, "Hey, you just went through a red light." The guy driving says, "Don't worry about it. My brother does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms past another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, "Hey man, you just went through another red light. What the heck are you doing?" The guy driving tells his friend, "Don't worry about it. My brother does this all the time." They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming past the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, "What the heck? You're going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out." The guy driving screams back at him, "I'm telling you: don't worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, "Are you out of your mind? What the heck is wrong with you? You go flying past three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?" The guy driving looks at his friend and says, "I had to stop; my brother might have been coming."

Dave

Q: Why is a river rich? A: Because it has two banks.

ISHA KHANNA

A redneck's last words are always, "Hey y'all, watch this!"

Anonymous

Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

cupquake

Q: What is tall when it is young and short when it is old?
A: A candle.

Anonymous

Q: What says "Eoo?"
A: A cow with no lips.

joke bank

Ben: "Dad, there is a hole in my shoe."
Dad: "Yes, Ben, that's where you put your foot."

YOLOSWAG36...

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He goes over to the first priest and says, "Dude, I'm Jesus Christ!" And the priest says, "No son, you're not." So the drunk goes over to the second priest and says, "Man, I'm Jesus Christ!" Then the priest says, "No son, you're not." Finally, the drunk had enough and said, "Here, I'll prove it." He walks back into the bar with both priests and the bartender looks up and sees the drunk and says, "Jesus Christ, you're back AGAIN?"

Kacie Weggies

Q. What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns?

A. Go for the juggler.

Anonymous

Q: What do you say to a lollipop when you throw it away?
A: "So long sucker!"

Anonymous

Q. Why are mountains not just funny?
A. They are also hill areas.

JxDtv

A girl asks her father, " Why does it rain? Is it God sweating or crying?" " No," says her father, " it rains to make the plants grow. Do you understand?" " Not exactly," says the girl. " Why does it rain on the sidewalk?"

JKLouw