joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

Aayush Raman

Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"

Rob P Post

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in. It's cold outside.

Anonymous

A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of words' antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite go?" A student answered, "Stop." "Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?" Another student said, "Eveant."

Mekdanny

Two judges were stumbling home from their local pub, arms around each other, loudly singing Kenny Rodgers. "Hey," said one, "I think we're drunk." "You are right, and according to the law I will have to charge you with being drunk and disorderly," said his mate. "And you will have to appear before me at 10AM tomorrow," said the first. Next morning in court, the first pleaded guilty to the charge and was fined $10. They then switched places. "Drunk and disorderly, eh? You are fined $20." "Hey," protested the first, "When I was in was in chair I only fined you $10!" "Yes," said the second judge, "But the offence is becoming too common. You are the second drunk to appear before the court this morning."

paul

What goes up and down stairs with out moving? Carpet.

BLANK!!

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

J.J. Lafave

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Eric P

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

TheLaughFa...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken your pockets. I think the keys are in there.

Anonymous

Q: What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? A: I lava you.

Anonymous

Teacher: "Why does a stone sink in water when you thrown it in?"
Student: "Because it does not know how to swim."

Anonymous