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joke bank - Clean Jokes

A man is walking along a beach and finds a bottle. When he rubs the bottle, a genie appears and says, "I can grant you one wish." "Well," says the man, "I have never been too fond of flying, so could you make a highway from California to Hawaii?" The genie says, "Do you know how much of my power that would take?" The man says, "Okay, I have never really gotten girls, so could you make that happen?" The genie says, "You want that highway two lane or four lane?"

Adam Litmer

Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"

Rob P Post

A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of words' antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite go?" A student answered, "Stop." "Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?" Another student said, "Eveant."

Mekdanny

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

TheLaughFa...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken your pockets. I think the keys are in there.

Anonymous

Q: What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? A: I lava you.

Anonymous

Two judges were stumbling home from their local pub, arms around each other, loudly singing Kenny Rodgers. "Hey," said one, "I think we're drunk." "You are right, and according to the law I will have to charge you with being drunk and disorderly," said his mate. "And you will have to appear before me at 10AM tomorrow," said the first. Next morning in court, the first pleaded guilty to the charge and was fined $10. They then switched places. "Drunk and disorderly, eh? You are fined $20." "Hey," protested the first, "When I was in was in chair I only fined you $10!" "Yes," said the second judge, "But the offence is becoming too common. You are the second drunk to appear before the court this morning."

paul

The student asked René DesCartes, "Professor, you say 'I think therefore I am.' But how do I know it is I who is thinking?"
"Who wants to know?" answered the old philosopher.

jmorisey@z...

Q: What can only be used after it is broken?
A: An egg.

Megan

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Eric P

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub! I'm dwowning!

Anonymous

Old Man: "Are you the young fellow who sold me this tube yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?"
Clerk: "Yes sir."
Old Man: "Well, I tried for half an hour this morning and I couldn't get my teeth to stick in."

SHAYNA CARVER