Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween.
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them.
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!