A woman had never seen Santa Claus before, but on Christmas Eve night she heard someone come down her chimney so she went downstairs to check it out. ''Oh, it's Santa Claus," she said, "Please stay and chat this is the first time I have met you." Santa replied, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady took off her robe, but Santa said, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady slipped off her nightgown and Santa told her, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" Then the lady removed her panties, and Santa said, ''Hey hey hey, I need to stay. I need to stay, 'cause I can't go up the chimney with my dick this way!"
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them.
Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down?
A: Because their belts are on their hats.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.