How to be Insulting in Church: Arrive late for any service and arrive noisily. Forget at least one, if not both books, and try to make others stand up while you go back for the ones you need.
How to be Insulting at Christmas: Buy crackers without any little gifts inside. If you have the time beforehand, put unpleasant little remarks and observations inside them instead. You might try to glue the paper hats together so that they tear when the guests try to open them.
How to be Insulting on the Beach: Buy several large newspapers, and leave these lying around so that they blow all over the beach.
How to be Insulting at Christmas: Try to duplicate presents wherever possible then lose the receipts so that none of them can be exchanged. If they happen to be things you want yourself, so much the better. Just offer to take them back.
Fun fact: If you cut off all your body hair and laid it end to end you'd be a fucking weirdo.