Jokes
Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together? They made an ass out of themselves! - LaughFactory
On New Year's Eve, a woman stood up at a local pub and said it was time to get ready for the midnight countdown. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to stand next to the one person who made his life worth living. As the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death. - LaughFactory
For my sister's birthday, I decided to finally tell her that her birth certificate was an apology letter from Trojan. She got upset but I said, "Hey don't be upset about that, be upset that the lawsuit money we got was only enough to buy our crappy apartment. Oh, and the clown we hired quit because he said he didn't want to perform for another clown." - BeckyAHauk
A pirate walks into a bar and it appears that he has a steering wheel to a ship in front of his trousers. In fact, it looks like his penis is stuck through the center of it. The bartender says, "Hey pirate! You've got your penis stuck in a steering wheel!" The pirate replied, "Arrrr, I know! It drives me nuts!" - Sirhc
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup! - mgates4
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer. The bartender brings a beer and notices the parrot on his shoulder and says, "Hey that's really neat. Where did you get it?" The parrot responds, "In the jungle, there's millions of them." - bruinsman
A woman gave birth at a hospital and the doctor asked, "What will you name her?" The woman thought and said, "I think I'll name her Sarah!" The doctor said, "I'm sorry to inform you miss, but Sarah is not available. But you can try Sarah_2045 or 99_Sarah!" - adrinshojaie
A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the way home he passed out along the lane. Later in the night a wind came blowing by and blew his kilt up to his waist. Well, we all know what a real Scotsman wears under his kilt. Early Sunday morning the two town spinsters came by and saw him laying there. "Prudence have you ever seen such a sight!" one exclaimed. "No I haven't Purity. He deserves some kind of punishment." As she searched her bag, she found something and said, "Here this should do it." And she tied a ribbon around his member. "Serves him right," they huffed and continued on to church. Later the Scotsman awoke and looked down at his member and saw the bright blue ribbon tied around it and said, "Aye Laddie, I dunna know where ye been, but ye won ferst prize!" - chick
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point." - Ascelyn