A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but she’s from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?" - LaughFactory

One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meeting archbishops and other religious figures, he decided to go see the Galveston shore in Texas. When he arrives in his pope mobile, he sees a man struggling for his life aginst a shark. Upon a closer look he notices that it is John Kerry. Horrified, he starts to call for help when a speedboat pulls up along side Mr. Kerry, with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney on board. Dick Cheney leans over and pulls him out. Then George W. Busy and Dick Cheney begin to beat the shark to death with baseball bats. The two men notice the Pope and land the boat on the beach. The pope says to the men, "I know that there has been a lot of attention and a lot of strife in this election, but I can see that you two men respect each other and would help each other in their house of need. You have my blessings." The pope packs off and drives out of site. Bush asks, "Who was that?" "That was the pope Mr. President, he is all knowing and in touch with God. Leader of the Catholic Church," says Cheney. Bush says, "Well that's all neat and fine, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Hows the bait holding up?" - johnrodgers30

Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory drink? It's two shots and a splash of water! - deaddisneybride

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven. The next day the paperwork got worked out. On his way up to Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope, "How was your night in Hell?" "Very educational," responded the Pope. "I've learned a lot from the experience, but now I'm glad I'm going to Heaven. I've been waiting all my life to meet the Virgin Mary." "Ooh, sorry," said Clinton, "you should have been there yesterday." - Bmoney

Women in Washington DC were asked if they would have sex with the President. 86% of those responding said, ''Not again.'' - LaughFactory

What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection? "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door." - LaughFactory

How does Osama Bin Laden practice safe sex? He marks the camels that kick. - LaughFactory

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton. - LaughFactory

Why did the Pakistani cross the road? Because the American government was subsidizing the construction of mango harvesting and preservation infrastructure in the region on the other side, allowing farmers with the necessary means to develop strong ties to American markets and earn significant profits. - sbkenney

How did we know that Monica would testify? Because she has a history of not being able to keep her mouth closed. - LaughFactory

Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. - chobee143

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone." - RaoYasir

What's black, white, red, blue, green, yellow, purple, orange, and super easy for anyone to do? Michelle McGee, Jesse James' mistress. - msantopoalo

I was playing UNO with a bunch of Mexicans, and they were cheating because they kept stealing all the green cards. - ituvalu

A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?" - philjeske