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Sex Jokes

What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me, I'm going in! - hamidmk
Why are all lesbians skinny? Because the only time they eat is when they eat out. - GoSamuelComroe
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!" - MrsChinchilla
What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me, I´m goin in!!! - mammad85
Two sperms are racing to reach the ovule. After a minute, one asks the other, "Hey, how much longer until we reach the ovaries?" The other answers, "Keep swimming foot! We haven't even passed the tonsils yet!" - elpetitor
A man comes home from a hard day of work only to find his wife laying infront of the fire place with her legs wide open. He asked, "Honey what are you doing?" She replied, "I'm heating up your dinner." - candiewhite
What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? About three inches. - Pejman1363
What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!" - jessicanneby
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air." - Oure
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!" - brettsmith22
Do you know why God made pubic hairs curly!?? So you won't poke your eyes out! - movieboss
What's the difference between parsley and pussy? Nobody eats parsley. - rockinlf
What's better than roses in your piano? Tulips in your organ! - lockxley
Did you know there's a speed limit for sex? When you hit 69, you have to flip a you turn. - pulga10
Once I stole a vibrator. I did it for the buzz. - bandk
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