There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!'' - nngriffin

Two cannibals, a father and son, are walking down the street, when they notice a hot girl passing by. The son says to the father, "Daddy, I'm hungry, let’s eat that girl that just passed by." The father replies, "I've got a better idea son, let’s take this one home and eat your mother instead!" - qyomjan

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!" - ibryildiz

I love my parents, but they're bummed I'm doing stand up comedy. My dad came to this country so I could be a doctor or lawyer, not this. My dad didn't wake up one day, "Let's see, doctor, lawyer, or clown. I don't know! Maybe clown." He's honest. He gets drunk, "You not funny. Oh no, you not funny! I have a joke for you. Knock, knock." Who's there, Dad? "You not funny!" - Comedian Bobby Lee - LaughFactory

A fourth grade teacher asks the class, "Have any of you ever saved somebody's life?" A little boy raises his hand, "Yes, my little nephew's." "Wow, what a little hero you are! How did you do that, sweetie?" asks the teacher. The little guy replies, "I hid my sister's birth control pills!" - qyomjan

Growing up, my parents never grounded me unless they were really really mad. I can remember the first time they caught me drinking under age. Mom freaked out and grounded me for a month, but I guess that was a reasonable response for a parent of a second grader. - wfour

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!" - mtelloibew

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it. - leninakansy

I hate when people go around calling their cousins, cousin. I guess if you're from the South, that's a handy tool in finding a husband or wife. - PhilGT21

A father is having dinner with his son and says, "Son tell me a lie," and the son says, "Dad." - rafelito04

What is the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted. - LaughFactory