Tom: "Were you born on the highway?"
Jerry: "Uh no, why?"
Tom: "Because that's where most accidents happen."
A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him, "Sorry about your weight."
Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
If you call one of those psychic hotlines and they don't greet you by your name, you should hang up!