joke bank - Insult Jokes

I wish I had a hearing aid so I could turn you off.

You are a pathetic scumbag. Your parents were scum and you're doing a most glorious job of following the tradition.

I was about to engage in some serious debate about what you just stated, but then I remembered that I dont give a damn.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

Johnny and Dave own a meat business. they are driving down a dirt road in there meat truck and hit something big bang!!!!! what the hell was that said johnny. Dave said i have know idea. johnny said go have a look. Dave comes back and said we've hit a cow. johnny said is it any good. Dave said its head is crushed. johnny said well cut its head off skin it gut it and put it in the back with the rest. so they drive down the road and hit a sheep johnny said is it any good Dave said yes johnny said skin it gut it chuck it in the back with the rest. they drove down the road a little bit more bang!!!!! what the f*ck was that said johnny i don't know. go have a look said johnny. Dave came back and said we've hit a pig johnny said is it any good yeah skin it gut it chuck it in the back with the rest. dave comes back and says what do you want me to do with his motorbike

Act your age, not your shoe size.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!

I'd slap you senseless, but I can't spare three seconds!