joke bank - Insult Jokes

Well, they do say opposites attract. So I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers. Your face.

You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.

You're so stupid, you threw a rock at the ground and missed.

Tom: "Were you born on the highway?"
Jerry: "Uh no, why?"
Tom: "Because that's where most accidents happen."

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say "Hi" to people. I'd say "BOO!"

Your teeth are so big when you sneeze you bite your chest.

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!"

How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.

A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him, "Sorry about your weight."