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joke bank - Insult Jokes

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

Anonymous

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

LaughFactory

You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.

LaughFactory

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

LaughFactory

You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

LaughFactory

Your face looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork.

rayrayrawrsu

How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.

greatlover16

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Aiden

You're so ugly that when you were born they didn't slap you they slapped your mom.

Anonymous

Q: How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A: They are fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to find out.

Anonymous

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!"

Stampi2

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, so I said, "I want a second opinion." He said, "Okay, you're ugly too."

Cutifulone