joke bank - Insult Jokes

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.

You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say "Hi" to people. I'd say "BOO!"

Q: How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?
A: Put up a Bingo sign.

Your teeth are so big when you sneeze you bite your chest.

How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!"

Tom: "Were you born on the highway?"
Jerry: "Uh no, why?"
Tom: "Because that's where most accidents happen."