joke bank - Insult Jokes

Your teeth are so big when you sneeze you bite your chest.

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

You've got your head so far up your ass you can chew your food twice.

You're so ugly, your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

How did giraffes come to be? Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.

Your face looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: Because they don't know where home is.

You're so ugly that when you were born they didn't slap you they slapped your mom.

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!"