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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Fuddy: "I can't believe they are still together after all the shit they have been through!"
Duddy: "Who?"
Fuddy: "My butt cheeks."

Facebroke

A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." "Excuse me?" says the farmer. The midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's twat. The midget's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, "I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."

vogez8

Q: What did the astronaut say when he wanted to be alone? A: "Give me some space!"

Anonymous

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madame.
Madame who?
Madame foot is caught in the door!

Jordo

There once was a man named McCrass.
His balls were made out of brass.
When he clanged them together,
They made stormy weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass.

bigdee

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, when he stopped and said, "I object, your honor! One of the jurors is asleep." The Judge ruled, "You put him to sleep, so you wake him up."

george

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Anonymous

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer...and a mop.

mlourdesr5

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

Anonymous

Two young men sneak on to a blind man's property in order to steal something of vaule. The blind man hears them and goes to the door with his shot gun. The two young men, seeing the blind man, stand motionless. The blind calls out, "Marco!". Silence. He tries once more, "Marco!" More silence. One more time, "Marco!" One of the young men, tired of the game, yells out, "We aren't going to fall for that..." *BANG!

coreyjohns...

What did the astronaut discover when he found bones on the moon? The cow didn't make it.

jasnowflake

A cowboy goes down to the stable, lifts his horse's tail, and plants a kiss smack dab on the horses butthole. Another cowboy sees this and yells, "What the hell are you doing?" He replies, "I've got chapped lips." The other cowboy asks, "Does that help?" "Nope," he answers, "It just keeps me from licking them."

Anonymous