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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with a 10 foot long alligator. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that animal outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'll get sued." The guy says, "No no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth, zips up his pants, and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

TheLaughFa...

A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." "Excuse me?" says the farmer. The midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's twat. The midget's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, "I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."

vogez8

Q: What did the astronaut say when he wanted to be alone? A: "Give me some space!"

Anonymous

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madame.
Madame who?
Madame foot is caught in the door!

Jordo

There once was a man named McCrass.
His balls were made out of brass.
When he clanged them together,
They made stormy weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass.

bigdee

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, when he stopped and said, "I object, your honor! One of the jurors is asleep." The Judge ruled, "You put him to sleep, so you wake him up."

george

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Anonymous

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer...and a mop.

mlourdesr5

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

Anonymous

Two young men sneak on to a blind man's property in order to steal something of vaule. The blind man hears them and goes to the door with his shot gun. The two young men, seeing the blind man, stand motionless. The blind calls out, "Marco!". Silence. He tries once more, "Marco!" More silence. One more time, "Marco!" One of the young men, tired of the game, yells out, "We aren't going to fall for that..." *BANG!

coreyjohns...

What did the astronaut discover when he found bones on the moon? The cow didn't make it.

jasnowflake

The employees at Taco Bell recently started wearing gloves when preparing the food. Ever wonder if their intentions are to protect their hands from the food they're serving?

curiosityc...