joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Knocker: Knock knock
Person: who's there
Knocker:Daisy
Person:daisy who?
Knocker: Daisy Me Rollin They Haitin

Anonymous

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday!

King k

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were hunting buffalo one day to no avail. Tonto jumps off his horse, puts his ear to ground and says, "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."

Shawn Bates

A mentally challenged man walks up to this guy and asks, "Can you help me? I'm trying to spell the word 'orange.'" The guy responds, "What a retard, didn't your mom teach you?" The man answers, "No." "Ever?" says the guy. "No," responds the mentally challenged man. The guy responds, "Okay, which one are you trying to spell, the color or the fruit?"

nadia23

The "Buffolo Theory" of beer. A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!

lego121984

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme.
Some poems don't.

KillKills

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

TheLaughFa...

Three doctors are out geese-hunting. A gaggle flies over and the oncologist raises and then lowers his gun. "I better conduct an MRI first to determine if those were really geese." Some more geese fly by & the endocrinologist raises his gun and then lowers it. "I'll need some bloodwork to conduct an A1C and determine what those birds were first." Some more geese fly over. The trauma doc raises his shotgun and blows them out of the sky. "What were those things, anyway?" he asks.

Jean Bustos

If a midget comes up to you and says your hair smells good, is that considered sexual harassment?

Anonymous

A vampire walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, "A cup of boiling water, please." The bartender, confused and scared, walks up with the water and says, "I thought vampires drank blood..." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "Yes, it's tea time."

darren payne

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said, "No change yet."

TheLaughFa...

Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."

TheLaughFa...