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joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

TheLaughFa...

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Anonymous

Little Bobby's teacher asked everyone to draw something exciting. Isabel drew a puppy, Jeffrey drew a cake, and little Bobby drew a period. The teacher looked puzzled and asked Bobby, "How is this exciting?" Bobby said, "Well it may not be to you, but my sister is missing two, so there is a lot of excitement at my house."

Dez nut ha...

I made a terrible mistake the other night by renting a Tyler Perry movie. It was so bad that Redbox support called me the next day and offered me $20 just to keep it forever.

Paul Beisner

A prisoner was freed from prison and yelled: I'm free, I'm free at last!" and a kid replied "So what? I'm four"

David Wils...

It is 2:00 am. There are a half dozen empty vodka bottles lying on the dimly-lit street. Two men standing in the middle of street have been arguing that the other man is more drunk. Finally, one man said to the other, “If you are not drunk, then climb up this column," pointing to the vertical beam of light that the flashlight in this right hand makes. Thinking a bit, the other man stuttered, “I am not that stupid. If I climb up to the top and you turn off the light, I will surely fall to my death!”

Junlin

You might be a redneck if your home has more miles on it than your car.

James Carlson

Why do Russian cars never work?

Baecause they are always Stalin.

BKT

A Fiat 500 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light. "Do you have a car phone?" asked the driver of the Fiat. "Of course I do," replied the haughty deluxe-car driver. "Well, do you have a fax machine?" The driver of the Rolls sighed, "I have that too." "Then do you have a double bed in the trunk?" the Fiat driver wanted to know. Embarrassed, the Rolls driver sped off. That afternoon, he ordered a mechanic to install a double bed in the trunk. A week later the Rolls driver passed the same Fiat 500 parked on the side of the road with the back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulls over, gets out of the Rolls, and bangs on the Fiat's back window until the driver sticks his head out. "I wanted to tell you I have a double bed installed," says the proud Rolls driver. The Fiat driver is unimpressed, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"

EthanTranBps

Q: What's the best way to avoid second hand smoke? A: Never switch hands after you light it.

NOAHLOT2

Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid getting hit by a car.

ajayandbos...

Why do autopsies always have to be "performed"? You'd think under the circumstances they could do without the big production.

Steve Waltman