CHRIS D'ELIA IS BACK ON THE LUCK OF THE IRISH SHOW ON FEB. 23RD! LAUGH ALL NIGHT WITH SOCAL'S BEST COMICS ON ALL-STAR COMEDY EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD! YOU NEVER KNOW WHO COULD DROP BY ON THE SET DANE COOK IS BACK THIS TUESDAY (FEB 20) AND SATURDAY (FEB 24) TO MAKE YOU LAUGH ALL NIGHT! DON'T MISS THIS SO GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

joke bank - Miscellaneous Jokes

Q: What's the best way to avoid second hand smoke? A: Never switch hands after you light it.

NOAHLOT2

Why do Russian cars never work?

Baecause they are always Stalin.

BKT

Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid getting hit by a car.

ajayandbos...

A Fiat 500 pulled alongside a Rolls-Royce at a traffic light. "Do you have a car phone?" asked the driver of the Fiat. "Of course I do," replied the haughty deluxe-car driver. "Well, do you have a fax machine?" The driver of the Rolls sighed, "I have that too." "Then do you have a double bed in the trunk?" the Fiat driver wanted to know. Embarrassed, the Rolls driver sped off. That afternoon, he ordered a mechanic to install a double bed in the trunk. A week later the Rolls driver passed the same Fiat 500 parked on the side of the road with the back windows fogged up and steam pouring out. The arrogant driver pulls over, gets out of the Rolls, and bangs on the Fiat's back window until the driver sticks his head out. "I wanted to tell you I have a double bed installed," says the proud Rolls driver. The Fiat driver is unimpressed, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!"

EthanTranBps

There was this girl who really wanted a boob job, so she went to see a plastic surgeon, Dr. Jones. Dr. Jones told her the cost would be $3500.00. She then told Dr. Jones she could not afford to spend that much, so he told her if she waived her hands like a duck quacking in front of her breasts daily saying, "Mary had a little lamb, her fleece was white as snow," her boobs would begin to grow. The next day she was on a bus and remembered she forgot to do the chant. She began to secretly do it, and while she was doing it, a gentleman turned around and asked her if she went to Dr. Jones. She then asked why? He replied with a hand motion moving up and down chanting, "Hickory, Dickory, Dock."

kimmydecroix

Why do autopsies always have to be "performed"? You'd think under the circumstances they could do without the big production.

Steve Waltman

Q: What did the curtain say to the floor?
A: Stop looking under my skirt!

Anonymous

An old lady was knitting & speeding down the highway. A cop pulled up alongside her vehicle & yelled, "Pull over!" She yelled back, "No, they're mittens!"

Anonymous

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Anonymous

A prisoner was freed from prison and yelled: I'm free, I'm free at last!" and a kid replied "So what? I'm four"

David Wils...

Q: Did your hear about the man with no arms and no legs who swam across a swimming pool?
A: They call him clever dick.

ACE

You might be a redneck if your house has more wheels then your car.

R.A.