joke bank - National Jokes

Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.

A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico. The Mexican says, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”

Q: What's the difference between England and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was made in China.

China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

Nobody starves in America. People in America die from over eating.

So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Q: How do you stop a Mexican tank?
A: Shoot the people pushing it.