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joke bank - Office Jokes

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um, no." The lawyer interrupts, "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

darrenmassey

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor." "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

Anonymous

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Anonymous

A man was walking down the street and saw a sign in a store window that said "Help Wanted," so the man ran in the store and yelled out, "What's wrong?!"

animal p.

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked in to the office? I can clearly see "you're" nuts....

yadypink69

Pappu:My internet is not working properly..o
Officer:Ok, Double click on “My computer”
Pappu:I can’t see ur computer..
Officer:No no.. click on “My computer” on ur computer..
Pappu:How can I click on ur computer from my computer?..
Officer:listen.. There is an icon labelled “My Computer” on ur computer.. Ok. double click on it..
Pappu:what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..???
Officer:Double click on ur computer..
Pappu:On which Icon i’ve to click..
Officer:“My Computer”..
Pappu:…Oh u Idiot…… Tell me where is ur office…I’ll come there and click on ur “Computer.

charles da...

What do you call a lawyer who doesn't know the law? A judge.

Anonymous

A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It's no good trying to outrun it. It's catching up!” The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I'm not trying to outrun the lion, I'm trying to outrun you!”

kwamethedon

Employe: "I bet you $6,000 i can piss in your cup 30 meters away."
Boss: "Ok I would like to see you try."
Employe: As he moves on pissing all over the floor loosing $6,000 not caring.
Boss: "Ha you just lost $6,000."
Secratary: "God damnit!"
Boss: "Whats wrong?"
Secratary: "He bet me $200,000 he could piss allover your floor and you would be happy about it!"

Idk bro

What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

Anonymous

Being an astronaut is funny. It's the only job where you get fired before you start work.

marty

What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.

Anonymous