The recession is getting so bad, the bank sent me a new type of credit card. It was pre-declined.
Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink.
I was playing UNO with a bunch of Mexicans, and they were cheating because they kept stealing all the green cards.
Q: What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
A: You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.