Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Why are asprins white? Because they work!
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.