A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Yo momma's so fat that Mount Everest tried to climb her.
Q: How do Chinese people name their babies?
A: They throw them down the stairs to see what noise they make.
I went to the bank the other day and asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.