A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."