How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes.
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Yo momma is so fat when she sat on WalMart, she lowered the prices.
A priest is sitting in a confession box and has to go to the bathroom. He calls an alter boy over and says, "I have to go pee and I need you to take over." Not knowing what to do, the alter boy asks for help. The priest says, "Just give them a few Hail Marys and send them on their way." Soon after, a blonde woman walks in the booth and says, "Forgive me father. I have committed a sin. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob." The alter boy is confused, so he asks another nearby alter boy, "What does the priest usually give for a blowjob?" The second alter boy replies, "I don't know about you, but my price is a candy bar and a Pepsi."