Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."