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Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Anonymous

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

ZDW

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

coloured pencils

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Anonymous

Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.

Anonymous