Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.
An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."