Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Yo mamma is so fat she doesn't need the internet, because she's already world wide.
Yo momma's so fat she needs cheat codes for Wii Fit.
Yo momma so stupid she stuck a battery up her ass and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"