What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.