Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish?