A man comes home, finds his wife in bed with another man, and asks, “What is this?!?” The wife turns to her lover and says, “See, I told you he was stupid!”
A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like." "Oh, that's easy," his pal replied, "All you have to do is find someone who is just like your mother." "I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like."
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina." The old man says, "I hope so. You sure don't have cute tits."
Girlfriend: "Can you please say the words? It makes it better."
Boyfriend: "I'm leaving you."