A man is at work one day, when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a conservative guy, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” The co-worker responds sheepishly, “Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring.” The man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So how long have you been wearing one?” The co-worker responds, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”
Why do married men gain weight and bachelors don’t? The bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust."
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
My girlfriend wanted us to get a Sleep Number bed, so we went and checked it out. Turns out her sleep number is 61, and mine is $3500!