John and Bob were discussing their married lives. Although happily married to their wives, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. John said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.” “Wow!" said Bob, “how did you manage that?” “It’s easy,” replied John, “my last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’”
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
My girlfriend told me if I join one more comedy group on the Internet, she’s going to leave me. I’m really going to miss her.
Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?