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joke bank - Religious Jokes

Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have sex, too.

juliettaylor

Jesus' away message on Good Friday, "BRB."

Lucey

Three religious leaders (a rabbi, a priest, and a minister) were all discussing how they divide up tithing income between themselves and God. The minister said, "I draw a line in the sand, throw the money up in the air, and what lands on the left side of the line goes to the good Lord and what lands on the right side goes to me." Then the priest said, "I draw a circle on the ground, throw the money up in the air, and what lands inside the circle goes to the good Lord and what lands outside goes to me." Then the rabbi said, "You got it all wrong! I throw the money up in the air and what the good Lord catches is his and what lands on the ground is mine."

Nina JOBLING

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!"

Monty & Sam

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw the light bulb and the other to screw the altar boy in the corner!

secretajntpedro