Jesus walks into a inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Three Christian boys live in a church. One day the boys say, "Pastor! Pastor! We have done no bad deed." The pastor replies, "Very good. Now each of you are granted one bad deed." One boy comes back and says, "Pastor! Pastor! I broke a car window." The pastor tells him, "Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water." The second boy comes back saying, "Pastor! Pastor! I punched a woman in the face." The pastor replies, "Go to the back, pray, and drink some holy water." The third boy comes in and says, "Pastor! Pastor! I peed in the holy water!"
Three priests and three young boys are on a boat on the ocean. The boat starts to sink and first priest says, "Save the boys!" The second priest says, "F*ck the boys!" The third priest says, "Do you think we have time?!"
Jesus and Satan are having a competition on who can finish an essay first. 1, 2, 3, GO. Jesus starts and takes his time while Satan is typing up a storm. Satan is typing so fast that the power goes out and both computers are shut off. They start back up, and Jesus states that he is done with the essay. Riddled, Satan asks how he wrote that fast. Jesus turns to him and simply says, "Jesus saves."
Q: What do you call a rabbi with heartburn?
A: An acidic Jew.