Three religious leaders (a rabbi, a priest, and a minister) were all discussing how they divide up tithing income between themselves and God. The minister said, "I draw a line in the sand, throw the money up in the air, and what lands on the left side of the line goes to the good Lord and what lands on the right side goes to me." Then the priest said, "I draw a circle on the ground, throw the money up in the air, and what lands inside the circle goes to the good Lord and what lands outside goes to me." Then the rabbi said, "You got it all wrong! I throw the money up in the air and what the good Lord catches is his and what lands on the ground is mine."
You know what Adam said to Eve? "Watch out, I don’t know how big this gets."
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29? Because 30 is too many!
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.