You know what Adam said to Eve? "Watch out, I don’t know how big this gets."
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Religion is like a penis: it's good to have one and it's good to be proud of it, but the problem starts when you begin flaunting it in public.
Q: What's the most expensive Jewish wine?
A: "I wanna go to Florida!"
Q: What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move?
A: Nah, mastay.