Q: Who is the most famous comedian in the Bible? A: Samson, because he brought the house down.
Q: What's the most expensive Jewish wine?
A: "I wanna go to Florida!"
It's the day of Jesus' crucifixion, and Peter is consoling Mary at the bottom of the hill in Golgotha. Suddenly, Peter hears Jesus calling to him, summoning him up the hill. Frantically, Peter sets off to make his way to his Savior. Unwillingly, he is stopped by two guards. Again, Jesus calls to Peter, and again, Peter attempts to answer, but the guards bring him to a hault. Peter weeps in remorse. One last time, Jesus moans for Peter's appearance. Determined not to fail his Grace, Peter shoves past the standing guards and triumphantly stands at the bleeding feet of his King. "My Lord, anything for you. What is it, my King?" "Peter," Jesus painstakingly replies. "Yes, what is it you must tell me?" Peter anxiously asks. "Peter, I, I, I can see your house from up here."
Adam was lonely, so he asked God for company. God agreed, but said, "Don't let her in the water." Adam agreed and Eve appeared the next day. Adam was so excited, he went in the lake to get cleaned up. Eve wanted to go in, but knew she wasn't allowed. A few months go by and she gets tired of not being able to go in the water. As she runs to the water, she tears off her fig leaf and splash! God says, "Oh great! Now the fish will smell like that!"
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."