What's the best part about being a Rabbi? You get to keep the tips.
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Q: How does Moses make his tea?
A: Hebrews it.
Q: What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common?
A: Finnish Hymn!
Q: What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move?
A: Nah, mastay.