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joke bank - Religious Jokes

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29? Because 30 is too many!

chuckwarner

The lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life," but john came fifth and won a toaster.

bobby johnson

Homosexuality is wrong because it is unnatural. Now, lets learn about a man born of virgin birth, that healed lepers and blind people with his hands, walked on water, turned water into wine, and how all the wrong in the world happened because a rib ate an apple because a talking snake told her to.

KungFuPony

Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
A: His goal: transcend dental medication.

TheLaughFa...

A substitute for a Catholic priest is hearing confessions. He is confused about what to recommend a confessor should do to rectify guilt sustained, after doing a sexual favor for her boss. He sticks his head out of the confessional and asks a nearby alter boy what the father gives for a bl*wjob. The alter boy responds, "Usually a Snickers and a ride home."

seanmcgrier12

Photons have mass? I didn't know that they were Catholic.

Malik Ore

Q: What do you call a vicar with a boner?
A: An erector.

Anonymous

Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have sex, too.

juliettaylor

It's the day of Jesus' crucifixion, and Peter is consoling Mary at the bottom of the hill in Golgotha. Suddenly, Peter hears Jesus calling to him, summoning him up the hill. Frantically, Peter sets off to make his way to his Savior. Unwillingly, he is stopped by two guards. Again, Jesus calls to Peter, and again, Peter attempts to answer, but the guards bring him to a hault. Peter weeps in remorse. One last time, Jesus moans for Peter's appearance. Determined not to fail his Grace, Peter shoves past the standing guards and triumphantly stands at the bleeding feet of his King. "My Lord, anything for you. What is it, my King?" "Peter," Jesus painstakingly replies. "Yes, what is it you must tell me?" Peter anxiously asks. "Peter, I, I, I can see your house from up here."

Bruhkouski

You know what Adam said to Eve? "Watch out, I don’t know how big this gets."

Anonymous

A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of words' antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite go?" A student answered, "Stop." "Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?" Another student said, "Eveant."

Mekdanny

Q: Who is the most famous comedian in the Bible? A: Samson, because he brought the house down.

TheLaughFa...