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joke bank - Sex Jokes

Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.

denstream

Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. "I froze to death. How about you?" "I had a heart attack." "How did that happen?" "Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the hiding spots. When I was running back up the stairs, I had a heart attack." "That's ironic." "Why?" "If you would've looked in the fridge, we'd both be alive."

fast freddy

Two friends die. One goes to Heaven and the other goes to Hell. The one that goes to Heaven begs the angel to let him visit his friend in Hell, and the angel agrees. He gets to Hell and sees his friend surrounded by beautiful women and alcohol everywhere. He says to his friend, "Wow, you were a son of a bitch when we were alive! Hell looks better than Heaven." So the friend in Hell says, "Pour yourself a glass of wine." The heavenly friend pours the wine, and notices that the glass has no bottom. The good friend looks at the bad one in confusion, and the bad friend says, "The glass has no bottom, and neither do the girls. Welcome to Hell."

hchristina7

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."

Anonymous

You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both."

Rimmothy

A patient says, “Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?” The doctor replies, “Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up.”

Anonymous

Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery.
Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."

marcus walker

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy. Jack got a shock, with a mouth full of cock, to find out Jill's real name was Randy.

Angel Cowdin

What did the egg say after he was put in a pot of boiling water? I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.

cschwan

A super hot chick walks into her church and says to the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest says, "Tell me dear, what's on your mind?" "Well Father, I am a sex addict, and lately I discovered that I like doing it with priests. I had sex with the one from the church two blocks from here, the one five blocks from here, and also the one from the church nearby." The priest says, "It's okay, just pray three times a day for one week and it will all be okay." As the girl tries to go out, the priest says, "Oh, and dont forget that I will always be here for you!"

Davidalxnd

I'm a mailman. At Christmas this year, Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread. After I ate, I thanked her and she said, "There's more." She took me to her bedroom and showed me moves I had never imagined. I told her I had no idea she felt this way. She said, "I don't." I ask, "What was all this about?" She says, "I asked the husband what to give the mailman." He said, "Screw the mailman, breakfast was my idea."

eaglenchamp

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, "Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air." The other says, "Sorry, I just burped."

Anonymous