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joke bank - Sex Jokes

I’m about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill.

george

You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love," and you answer, "I can't do both."

Rimmothy

A little boy walks into his parents' room while they're having sex. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" The mother explains, "Your daddy was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out." The boy says, "That's funny. Every time you leave for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."

00jokester

What is the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your dick in a vagina.

Anonymous

A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car. He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go. So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows him a huge weeping willow tree that they can hide under and says he can do whatever he wants to her. Under the tree, she shows him two branches that can prop her up and he has his way with her. When they finish, he dresses himself and her, puts back into her chair, wheels her to the front door, and knocks. When her father sees the young man, he thanks him. The boy feels very uncomfortable because of what he just did to the man's daughter and asks, "Why are you thanking me?" "Because son," the father answers, "You are the first boy to take her out of the tree."

Mark My Words

Q: Why can't blondes tie shoes?
A: They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.

Mat Mclare

Did you know there's a speed limit for sex? When you hit 69, you have to flip a you turn.

pulga10

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

Aiden

Q: What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
A: "Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob."

dhattprettymf

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!"

KarateBabe

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?
So he could see her crack!

Anonymous

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

Mals