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joke bank - Sex Jokes
Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
A: Because they found out by dragging them by their legs that their hole would fill up with mud.
Lady 1: "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?"
Lady 2: "I made a simple rule: sex will begin at 9pm sharp, whether he is there or not."
After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked, "Did you hear something?" "No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my ass sure hurts like hell!"
"Do you want 2 CDs?"
"Do you want 2 CD's who?"
"Do you want 2 C Deez nutz?"
Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and get lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented, but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives. The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'll shoot your dick off!" the prince says.
"I'm a fireman," the second guy says.
"Then we'll burn your cock off!" says the prince.
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A man is like a snowstorm. You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
Did you know there's a speed limit for sex? When you hit 69, you have to flip a you turn.
A guy takes his girlfriend to his bedroom, drops his pants, and says, "Meet my little brother." The girlfriend picks up her purse on the way out and says, "Call me when he grows up."
Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby. "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother. "And why not?" asks Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?" Stan says nothing. The brother grows impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle." Stan can’t take it anymore. He gives his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asks his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?" "Yes," the brother replies. "It would be an honor." "Well, congratulations, you're holding him."
The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test. The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!"