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joke bank - Sex Jokes

Did you know there's a speed limit for sex? When you hit 69, you have to flip a you turn.


If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?


"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Do you want 2 CDs?"
"Do you want 2 CD's who?"
"Do you want 2 C Deez nutz?"


Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?
So he could see her crack!


A husband suspected his wife was cheating on him. He explained his situation to a pet shop owner who replied, "I have a parrot that will let you know daily what goes on in your house. The bird has no legs, so he holds onto his perch with his penis." Reluctantly, the husband brought the bird home. At the end of the first day, the man asked the bird, "Did anything happen today?" The parrot said, "Yes, the milk man came over." The man asked, "What did he do with my wife?" The bird said, "I don’t know; I got hard and fell."


A man is like a snowstorm. You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.


Lady 1: "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?"
Lady 2: "I made a simple rule: sex will begin at 9pm sharp, whether he is there or not."

tushar1th ...

Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
A: Because they found out by dragging them by their legs that their hole would fill up with mud.

Mark My Words

Drinking gets you in many unpredictable positions. Has your wife or girlfriend ever caught you passed out, sitting on the couch, with your pants around your ankles while you have a kung fu grip on your penis, like you're giving her the thumbs up on marrying such a subtle and discreet man? Well, that wasn't the embarrassing thing about it. The porn on demand had ended, and the previous channel that had popped up was blaring, "Do-Da Dora, Do-Da Dora!"


After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked, "Did you hear something?" "No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my ass sure hurts like hell!"


Q: What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? A: Where you put the cucumber.


A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"