MAZ JOBRANI - TROPICANA LAS VEGAS - JUNE 30-JULY 3

joke bank - Sex Jokes

A man comes home early from work and tells his wife he just got fired. He tells her, "I got caught with my penis in the pickle slicer." His wife asks him if his penis is okay and he assures her it is fine. "Well," she asks, "What happened to the pickle slicer?" "Oh," he says, "She got fired too."

Mark My Words

Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners. The old man behind the counter is hard of hearing and doesn't understand her request, so he says, "Come again." Monica responds, "No, this time it's mustard."

Mark My Words

A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

sbeltranjr

Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone. He is now playing the whore-Monica.

Mark My W...

Two sperms are racing to reach the ovule. After a minute, one asks the other, "Hey, how much longer until we reach the ovaries?" The other answers, "Keep swimming, fool! We haven't even passed the tonsils yet!"

elpetitor

A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. "It's ok, she says, "I am doing a huge convention."

goodmansno...

Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sends her husband to a therapist who winds up treating him with self-hypnosis. To her joy, everything gets much better. However, she can't help but notice that each night, just before their lovemaking, the husband dashes out to the bathroom for several minutes. This torments her until finally, one night, she follows him. There, in front of the mirror, she finds him applying this therapeutic technique, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife.”

James Harris

Three boys were discussing their fathers' favorite foods. The first kid said his father loves to eat burgers. The second boy said his father loves KFC. The third boy said his father loves to eat light. The other two boys questioned how his father does that. The third boy replied, "Every night I hear my daddy tell mommy to turn off the light so he can eat it."

Eric

A lady sitting in the dentist chair told the dentist, "I would rather go through the pain of child birth than have you drill in my mouth." The dentist replied, "Well, you had better make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

Mark My Words

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I," then at his knee, meaning, "need," and he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw." The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!'' The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''

Monty & Sam

A professor is lecturing a class and says, "Today's lecture will be about glucose. Glucose is sugar and can be found in lots of stuff. For example, semen, candy, etc." A blonde girl responds with, "How come you can't taste sugar in semen?" The professor says, "Well, sweety, that's because you don't have taste buds in the back of your throat."

josedc88

A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night. The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn. The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, "Look son, see that wall? It's got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but don't mess around with that third hole. Got it?" The salesman thanked him and bedded down on a pile of hay. About midnight he got real horny and decided to take a poke at the first hole. It was good but not really satisfying so he took a poke at the second hole. It was even better but he still wasn't satisfied so he thought about the third hole and reasoned to himself, "If that first hole was pretty good and the second hole was even better, I'll bet that third hole will really do the trick!" The next morning the farmer noticed the salesman was still sleeping so he went about his chores and late in the afternoon he finally saw the salesman wake up. "Damn, son! You been sleeping a long time! What happened?" "Well," the salesman replied. "I should have listened to you. I got horny last night and tried that first hole and it was pretty fair but not really satisfying so I tried the second hole. It was good but didn't do the job so I took on that third hole. Say, what's behind them holes anyway?" "Son, that first hole is my sheep, Dolly. The second hole is my mare, Sally, and that third hole is my milking machine and that thing don't quit till it gets a quart!"

maureen