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joke bank - Sex Jokes
A husband suspected his wife was cheating on him. He explained his situation to a pet shop owner who replied, "I have a parrot that will let you know daily what goes on in your house. The bird has no legs, so he holds onto his perch with his penis." Reluctantly, the husband brought the bird home. At the end of the first day, the man asked the bird, "Did anything happen today?" The parrot said, "Yes, the milk man came over." The man asked, "What did he do with my wife?" The bird said, "I don’t know; I got hard and fell."
Lady 1: "Why is your husband so punctual when returning home from work?"
Lady 2: "I made a simple rule: sex will begin at 9pm sharp, whether he is there or not."
"Do you want 2 CDs?"
"Do you want 2 CD's who?"
"Do you want 2 C Deez nutz?"
Did you know there's a speed limit for sex? When you hit 69, you have to flip a you turn.
A man is like a snowstorm. You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked, "Did you hear something?" "No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my ass sure hurts like hell!"
The Little Rascal's class were having a spelling test. The teacher asks if anyone can use the word "admire" in a sentence. Spanky raises his hand and says, "I admire my dog." "Good job," the teacher replies, "Now, who can use 'respect' in a sentence?" Alfalfa raises his hand and says, "I respect Spanky for admiring his dog." "Ok, " replies the teacher, "now who can use the word 'dictate' in a sentence?" There is silence in the class, then all of a sudden Buckwheat says, "Darla how did my dictate !?!"
A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and get lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented, but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives. The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'll shoot your dick off!" the prince says.
"I'm a fireman," the second guy says.
"Then we'll burn your cock off!" says the prince.
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
Q: What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? A: Where you put the cucumber.