Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, "Hey, isn't that Hortense?" The other drunk chimes in and says, "No, she looks pretty relaxed to me."
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? Same time next month?
What is the mating call of a blond? I'm so drunk. What is the mating call of a brunette? Is that blonde gone yet? What is ther mating call of a redhead? NEXT!
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.