What is a man's ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!
Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, "Hey, isn't that Hortense?" The other drunk chimes in and says, "No, she looks pretty relaxed to me."
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? Same time next month?
Did you hear about the gay midget? He came out of the cupboard.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.