They say that married men live the longest. It's ironic, since they're the ones most willing to die.
What is a man's ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!
Three women were trapped on an island. They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, "I will grant you ladies three wishes." The first woman said, "Turn me into a fish" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, "Give me a boat" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, "Turn me into a man" and she walked across the bridge.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I don't know, it has never happened.
Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, "Hey, isn't that Hortense?" The other drunk chimes in and says, "No, she looks pretty relaxed to me."