How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."
How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, F***, Etc."
Why did the women cross the road? I don't know, but what is she doing out of the kitchen?
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.