joke bank - Sexist Jokes

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Paige123

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.

Anonymous

Doris is sitting in a bar and says to her friend that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. The bartender tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." Doris asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Fascinated, Doris says, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it sure worked for your ass!"

Anonymous

They say that married men live the longest. It's ironic, since they're the ones most willing to die.

ahudson1982

What is a man's ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

NKEEFER401

How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

LaughFactory

Q: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A: About fifty pounds.

Mark My Words

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

Anonymous

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

RainbowFish18

I have received hundreds of replies to my ad for a husband. They all say the same thing - "Take mine."

alipatak

Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and ask for directions.

LaughFactory

I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.

shedpal