joke bank - Sexist Jokes

Q: Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
A: Because they found out by dragging them by their legs that their hole would fill up with mud.

Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, "Hey, isn't that Hortense?" The other drunk chimes in and says, "No, she looks pretty relaxed to me."

Q: Combine 3 girls and what you do you get?
A: A fat chick.

There are some girls that like to do something called "homie hopping" and homie hopping is basically a girl dates a guy and then she ends up trying to get with his friends, and then she gets with someone new, then jumps to his other friends, and so on. Guys have this and it's called "testing the waters".

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? Same time next month?

How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

Johnny was playing outside when he had to go to the bathroom. He runs inside his house and his grandma was in the bathroom naked about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.” The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because its tongue is hanging out.”

I have received hundreds of replies to my ad for a husband. They all say the same thing - "Take mine."

Did you hear about the gay midget? He came out of the cupboard.

A boy asked his dad, "What's the difference between a woman and a slave?" His father replies, "I don't know, what?" His son says, "No, I was asking a question."

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"