How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."
Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and ask for directions.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A man calls 911 and says, "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"