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joke bank - Sexist Jokes

What is the mating call of a blond? I'm so drunk. What is the mating call of a brunette? Is that blonde gone yet? What is ther mating call of a redhead? NEXT!

cynthiasny...

I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.

shedpal

Jane: "Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?"
Jill: "They already have boyfriends."

Mark My Words

Why not to trust women? It's simple, how can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Deen1983

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Chris Rock

Q: What do you call a bunch of women dancing on the bar?
A: The Periodic Table.

Chris Moonn

I like my women like I like my pizzas: cheap and ready to go.

Emily and ...

What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male fraud.

Anonymous

How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole? Give the woman a shovel!

Scoot32

Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him." "Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Hell yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers."

cam231

Q: Why did God give women legs?
A: To walk from the kitchen to the bedroom.

Anonymous

Q: Why is a woman with no breasts a pirate's delight?
A: Because she has a sunken chest.

Bill52