Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
Men have two emotions, hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
A man calls 911 and says, "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
Women are like roads. The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.