Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and ask for directions.
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Doris is sitting in a bar and says to her friend that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. The bartender tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." Doris asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Fascinated, Doris says, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it sure worked for your ass!"
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!