How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and ask for directions.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
Doris is sitting in a bar and says to her friend that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. The bartender tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." Doris asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Fascinated, Doris says, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it sure worked for your ass!"