Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and ask for directions.
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A man and a wife were in bed one morning when the wife said, "I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I was at a penis auction. Long penises were going for $100 and thick penises were going for $300." The husband asked, "What would mine go for?" The wife replied, "They were giving ones like yours away for free." The husband said, "I also had a dream last night about an auction where they were selling juicy vaginas for $500 and tight vaginas for $1,000." "How about mine?" the wife asked and the husband replied, "That was where they were holding the auction."
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!