I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.
Q: Why are women's feet so small?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink while washing dishes.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? Same time next month?
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
A son goes to his father and says, "Hey dad, want to hear a joke?" The father says, "Sure son." The son responds, "The WNBA."