What did a green grape say to a purple grape? Breathe stupid!
Q: What do you call a duck that steals?
A: A Robber Duck.
What do you call a piece of cheese that isn't yours? A: Nacho cheese.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he ate his pizza before it was cool.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.