19 Irishmen go to a cinema. Ticket lady says, "Why are there so many of you here tonight?" Mick replies, "The fillm says 18 and over, miss."
Little Johnny's friend calls to invite him over, but little Johnny says, "I can't, I'm grounded." His friend asks, "Why?" and he replies, "My mom called me a son of a bitch, and I said, 'Yup, you got that right.'"
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?" His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, didn't you read the sign? It says 'No mushrooms!'" The mushroom replies, "C'mon man, I'm a fungi!"
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? Sorry, I'm a little horse.