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joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Q: Why did the one armed man cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "contagious" in a sentence. Johnny raised his hand and said, "My mom was shoveling the driveway and my dad said, 'At this rate, it will take that cunt ages.'"

Anonymous

Q: Why are fish easy to weigh?
A: Because they have their own scales.

Rexx

Have you heard the story of the magic sandwich? Never mind, it's just a bunch of bologna.

Iamsnappy4

I'm thinking of becoming a hitman... I heard they make a killing.

Anonymous

A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight." The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?""

Justin19S

Little Johnny's friend calls to invite him over, but little Johnny says, "I can't, I'm grounded." His friend asks, "Why?" and he replies, "My mom called me a son of a bitch, and I said, 'Yup, you got that right.'"

snowmancpt

Q: What do you call stoned Mexicans?
A: Baked beans.

Francis Mata

''Doctor, my nose is 11 inches long!"
''Come back when it grows into a foot!"

hello_the_...

Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."

Mark My Words

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A: A thesaurus.

Silenxio M...

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Silenxio M...