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joke bank - Word Play Jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer. How much will that be?" The bartender responds, "For you? No charge!"

Anonymous

Q: Why did the girl wear glasses in math class?
A: It improves di-vision.

heartc

This crazy guy walks into a restaurant and tells the waiter, “Lemme get a cheeseburger, not too rare, not too well done, but right in the groove. Lemme get some fries, not too crispy, not too burnt, but right in the groove. And while you’re at it, throw in a shake, not too thin, not too thick, but right in groove.” The waiter took down the order and came back five minutes later and told the man, “The cook said you can kiss his ass, not to the left, not to the right, but right in the groove.”

robboss301

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies, "Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, "Oi, you bloody idiot." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."

Liam Singl...

Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: Its OK. He woke up.

Anonymous

Q: Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
A: They always get stuck at "c."

Jerroy

Q: Can a match box?
A: No, but a tin can.

Anonymous

Q: What did the pony say when he had a sore throat?
A: Sorry, I'm a little horse.

lollylicer4

Q: What's the difference between America and yogurt?
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.

MsEverybod...

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

Anonymous

Teacher: "What is the largest city?"
Student: "Electricity!"

samarth.b.r

Q: What do you call a T-Rex's bruise? A: A dino-sore.

I Rindflei...