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joke bank - Word Play Jokes

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies, "Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says, "Oi, you bloody idiot." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies, "Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."

Liam Singl...

Q: What's the difference between America and yogurt?
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.

MsEverybod...

Q: What do u call a seagull flying over the bay?
A: A bagel.

Dianamleal

Q: What do you call a T-Rex's bruise? A: A dino-sore.

I Rindflei...

Q: My boyfriend is as beautiful as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein; what is his name?
A: Frankenstein.

Alejandro ...

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

A. Falkenburg

Q: Why did they have to bury George Washington standing up?
A: Because he could never lie.

Anonymous

Teacher: "What is the largest city?"
Student: "Electricity!"

samarth.b.r

Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a tuba glue.

Anonymous

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: "Meet you at the corner!"

tswift12

Q: Why did the man take toilet paper to the party?
A: Because he was a party pooper.

Keyke

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!

bigdaddy74