Why did the duck go to jail?
Because He Was Selling QUACK.
A pirate walks into a bar and it appears that he has a steering wheel to a ship in front of his trousers. In fact, it looks like his penis is stuck through the center of it. The bartender says, "Hey pirate! You've got your penis stuck in a steering wheel!" The pirate replied, "Arrrr, I know! It drives me nuts!"
A man committed suicide by chopping his head off and left a suicide note in his mouth reading, "I don't need no body."
Why are there no televisions in Afghanistan? Because of the Telly-ban!
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.