Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!"
Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?
So he could see her crack!
Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because the cows have horns.
Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A: A small medium at large.
A man is telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really?" answers the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "12:30."