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joke bank - Word Play Jokes

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender turns to him and says, "Sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here." The next day, clinging to a thread, the string returns to that same bar and orders a drink again. The bartender, resolute, again turns and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but like I said, we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you not to return." Dejected, the string returns home. All night he tosses and turns, wriggles and writhes, and awakes the next morning not at all resembling himself. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he brightens and jets out his door to that bar. Swaggering in, he orders a drink one more time. The bartender stares at him, squinty eyed, and asks, "I'm sorry, are you a string? You look very familiar." The string locks eyes with the bartender, and states, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

missrose

Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."

Mark My Words

Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A: Because you could easily fit another pair of breasts there.

Anonymous

Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A: A buccaneer!

Kay wat???!

Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.

Anonymous

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

amuradi

Q: Where can you buy most of your chess pieces?
A: the pawn shop

Anonymous

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

Brotato

Q: What's the most expensive Jewish wine?
A: "I wanna go to Florida!"

Mark My Words

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have on tap?" He replies, "Anheuser-Busch" (And-how's-your bush). She says, "Just fine. How's your penis?"

Mark My Words

Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?

A: He was sitting on the deck.

Anonymous

Fe = Iron.
Male = Man.
Fe + Male = Iron Man.
I have been having sex with Iron Man.

Fred